A friend once asked me how guys in the scene actually meet Dommes. "Very badly, sometimes," I said. I was kidding but I related to her an incident that happened at a club. I was in the company of a Domme friend of mine one, engaged in conversation, when this guy walked up to our table and proceeded to stare at her. He didn't say anything or do anything but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. After trying to ignore this him, hoping he'd get the hint, I could tell she was feeling a more than a little uncomfortable and asked if she wanted me to take care of the situation. She nodded and I tapped the guy on the arm, bringing him out of his apparent fugue-state. I told him that it he was being incredibly rude and that he shouldn't stare. He left with an embarrassed look on his face.

This one question made me think about the different encounters, successful and unsuccessful, between Dommes and hopeful submissives that I've seen over the last several years. The successful ones all had something that laid the groundwork for future meeting. This "something' is what I've come to think of C.P.R.: Courtesy, Politeness, and Respect - all three of which are the cornerstone of a proper first encounter. It's true that courtesy and politeness aren't very different but the concept they embody - that of being considerate and thoughtful towards a Domme - is very important.

Acting on a decision to finally to go to a club, a fetish party or a scene-oriented restaurant to check out the S&M lifestyle you've felt drawn to for so long is bold step; it takes a certain amount of courage to begin walking down this path. Once you see Her, the Domme you've gazed at in magazines, videos and Web sites, though, your courage may desert you. You might freeze in your tracks as your heart starts beating a mile-a-minute and the all-important question pops into your head: "Now what?"

This may sound familiar to you. Either you've experienced it or known someone who's experienced it. This moment of recognition and lockjaw may have prevented you from doing the one thing you set out to do that night: meet a dominant woman. You're in some good company: it's happened to a lot of men. It's happened to me on an occasion or two. Making a good initial contact is important in the development of any kind of relationship with a Domme and C.P.R. can get you over awkward beginnings. Remembering to approach such a situation with courtesy, will keep you from being rude. Being polite means you won't barge in and expecting the Domme to drop everything she's doing and spend time with. And having respect for her will keep you from being arrogant just because you're "well-dressed" or "better looking than anyone in the club" or "have more experience than any submissive in the world. C.P.R. will keep you from being ignored in most encounters.

One thing I've noticed is that for the most part, Dommes love meeting new people and they will definitely be open to someone who has the ability to approach them confidently yet respectfully and introduce himself. A gentleman did this very thing the other night at a Gomorrah party. He walked up to a Domme, acknowledge her companions with a nod, extended his hand and made his introduction: "Excuse me Mistress ________. I'm ________. It's an honor to meet you." Their conversation lasted for a good amount of time, during which he bought her a drink and lit her cigarette. After a nice conversation, which ended in her handing him her card, he moved on.

I know it sounds like something out of an old movie or some Victorian novel but C.P.R. embodies those very elements, i.e. good manners, civility and not a small amount of chivalry. The thing that really worked in the above example, I think, is that the gentleman observed the situation before injecting himself into. He was sincere, and eager but didn't over-stay his welcome. All of this displayed his respect for the Domme, for her time and her companions.

I'm not saying that you'll always get such results but by remembering C.P.R. you'll certainly put your best foot forward and lay the foundation for possible future meetings.