I remember our first few encounters being like two animals circling each other, checking each other out. I didn't much like his way of doing things and I don't think he thought much of my way either.
You see, Flagg was from "The Estate", a Leather Family/Pack that had a reputation as being dangerous rebels, to many, they were "sick and wrong", and to be avoided at all costs. GASP... they didn't believe in SSC... they were into some crazy idea called RACK.
I was from "Sovereign House", a leather family schooled in the "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns", NJ, Safe, Sane, Consensual , side of things. (Queue harp music and angelic choir)
So we didn't see eye to eye... at first... but over the years we forged a begrudging respect for each other and our methods.
The man was warped beyond belief... but I'll be damned if he didn't have the one thing I hold dearest... INTEGRITY. "Be very polite", was one of his catch phrases. He'd say this as he was mindfucking someone to the point of complete meltdown... he was a walking contradiction who questioned everything... and I LIKED THAT. He and his family had a wicked sense of humor, didn't give a shit what you thought of them and they were loyal as hell to each other!! HELL... I LOVED THAT!
I realized that we had a lot more in common then I ever thought? And more importantly, I had a LOT that I could learn from these, "crazy" people.
I didn't and still do not agree with everything they believe/believed in, but Flagg, his partner in crime Ken and "The Estate" had a wonderful influence on me. I was only starting to LET GO of the social stigmas of my childhood and embrace my inner demon, to permit myself to be an evil fuck... (albeit a "Nice, Evil Fuck") and their polar opposite points of view, were a breath of fresh air.
I think that we both were at a very similar point in our journey when we met. Flagg and I were completing our BDSM puberty and polishing up our identities and becoming the Doms/the Men we wanted to be.
I like to think that not only did Flagg have an influence on me, but Sovereign House and I rubbed off on him a bit too. I watched him grow... just a bit more willing to embrace his humanity and LET GO in his own way.
We fought in the trenches together as members of the board of directors for TES. We found common interest in trying to make peace and mutual frustration with the negative energy. We spent years together trying to help make TES a better place. To try to make a difference and became very close in our own way. Sometimes you just connect with someone, that's the way I always felt with Flagg... like we had known each other forever, like we'd always be friends.
Over the years he became sicker and sicker until he finally could no longer come to meetings and had to resign. Because of his illness, I'd see him out at a function once in a while but we mostly only spoke on the phone the last few years of his life.
We had some great ideas together in those phone calls; we planned to go to a huge, TV preacher's, arena appearance with friend Daddy David. Our mutual amusement with hucksters and distaste with organized religion fueled a plan to disrupt the proceedings by wheeling him in, to get him "healed". For a few minutes, It was a grand plan, but his illness got in the way and it wasn't possible
We laughed together about an old idea of doing a BDSM book as an Xmas present for our friends that would be based on the old "Highlights for Children" characters of Goofus and Gallant... we were never sure which one would be which, but we thought it would be hilarious to point out our differences in this way.
There were quite a few conversations about starting our own religion. Together we'd be unstoppably persuasive and it would just be the best thing ever! Make fun of organized religion and get rich in the process!
Lots of good memories, but unfortunately, our friendship would be cut short by his illness and I'm left with the feeling that I hardly knew you Flagg. But in other ways I feel like you were my Brother. One that I thought would always be there to talk to later...
I had so much I wanted to talk to him about. So much we could have done together but didn't. There were so many conversations we were supposed to have and never did. I thought he'd get better and we'd finally hang out and have those long philosophical discussions, us crazy people have when we've had just a few too many beers.
I find myself very upset over losing him, more upset then I've been in a long time. I don't usually feel so strongly about this kind of thing. I have a very pragmatic view of death and most tragic events. Life is so ironic and unexplainable... so funny... it's hard to take it that seriously. Or not seriously enough, maybe... but in the end I think I realize I'm so upset because there should have been, so... much... more...
Flagg always insisted "no apologies"
But I'm sorry,
Not sure for what exactly... but I'm just sorry there wasn't MORE, my friend.
You were one of my very favorite people.
I'll miss you, Hoss